The Waiting Game

So...I have slept most of the day. Tomorrow or Wednesday the story hits the associated press. I still have to wait to see if "they" believe me. Can you believe this! How many children have to be raped before the Church steps up to the plate and does something. The Church administration is part of the problem- not part of any solution- as my good friend "Jimbo" says.

I am so tired. I can not ever remember being this tired and emotional. It is an effort to type this- seriously. The depression is big and overwhelming. But, I know it will not last forever.

The Meeting

So this week we went to Boston to meet with an inbestigator for the church and an attorney from Ropes and Gray. I held it together until they started to talk. Thank God for my support system. I am too emotionally raw to go into the details today. Let's just say that it broke my heart more when they called my husband and asked him how he felt it had affected me, and he broke into tears. I had tried to not share the details too much from him to protect him. Maybe I was wrong. Amyway, I was later interviewed by the AP and some of my stroy will be running nationally this week. I can not tell you how physcically and emotionally exhausted I am. I did not realize what a toll this still takes.

2 days before the church interview

I just have been reviewing what happened to me by that son of a bitch. I am so upset that I am calling my husband home early so that I can just go to bed. I cant believe they make you relive the rape over and over again. I have been so strong for so many years, now I sit here in tears unable to deal, and knowing that son of a botch remains free. Don't get me wrong, I m not suicidal or homicidal, just really pissed off and upset. This is so wrong, and th catholic church has the balls to pass collections baskets around.

Tick Tock

Well, today was partucularly hard. Here I sit with a law degree, frozen like the little girl the scum raped. Sometimes I can't breath. My poor husband has so much to put up with. I made great strudes this week since both my husband and bio-father insisted on attending the meeting with me. That is not how I work. I need to do this on my own. I need to not have to worry about Jason or anyone else. I just wish tht this week was over.
On top of this, they found a lump in both breasts. Yeah me. God..or Budda..or whoever the higher power is must think I am one tough bitch! I just hope hope I have the strength to get through the next few days. My biggest fear is that I will see HIM and revert back to that little girl. I have never been so afraid in my life- including the cancer.

Meeting With The Church

Well, I have a meeting with the church on March 31, at 1:00. Pretty scary stuff. That's all I have to say. I can't put into words how much this has ruined or impacted my life. I think the Catholic church should be imprisoned- I know- not realistic...

He is Still Winning...

Sorry this has been so long in coming. I received a call that the Archdiocese lawyers want to meet with meet in Boston on March 31 at 1pm. It is so funny that someone can have a law degree, a family, be a good person and still regress back into the age when the abuse happened. I have had panic attacks today thinking about it. I just wish it would all go away. Actually, that it never happened. He really ruined my life. My memories are nightmares and my nightmares are real. I have only told a handful of people what happened to me. Furthermore, my Dad is getting remarried May 2ND of this year in the Catholic Church! This means I have to be in the church. He has said he understands if I can not handle it, but I can't let this priest take one more thing from me. At the same time, I feel my throat close up and my heart race even thinking about seeing a priest or being near a Catholic Church. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about.
At the same time, I know I am very blessed to have supportive friends and family.

I was between the ages of 7-9 when it happened. He was a family friend/acquaintance. I am not the typical "victim" you see on the television. He took so much from me. But I went on. I went to college, law school, and even worked in the District Attorney's office preparing civil commitment petitions against sex offenders. Then...my world came crashing down on me.
My mom called from New Hampshire. She was reading the local paper and a girl from my hometown was in the news making allegations that she had been raped by a priest in New Hampshire. I can't tell you what it is like when you are told you have a life threatening disease. But I can tell you what it feels like when you hear something that threatens your life as you know it...and changes it all in an instant.
I shook....I threw up....I cried. My life changed. His remains the same. No...better for him. He runs a travel agency...Left the priesthood supposedly wanted to get married. Funny...no marriage. He has freedom. I don't. That is enough for tonight.